Sex, Intimacy, and Marriage: Let’s Talk About It
by Stevie Kay Hockett, LMFT (Temp), NCC
Marriage is an exciting new chapter filled with love, dreams, and the promise of a shared future. Along with choosing a venue and planning your honeymoon, one of the most important, and often overlooked, parts of preparing for marriage is understanding sex and intimacy. Whether you are waiting until the wedding night or you have already been physically intimate, the way you approach this part of your relationship can set the tone for years to come.
Different Starting Points, Same Need for Connection
For couples waiting until marriage, the wedding night may feel both thrilling and intimidating. Curiosity, excitement, and even some uncertainty are completely normal. You are stepping into something brand new together. The key? Take the pressure off. Intimacy does not have to be “perfect” on the first try. Patience, humor, and curiosity go a long way.
For couples who have already been sexually active, marriage can bring new dynamics. You may feel comfortable physically, but commitment often deepens emotional connection. You might find yourself reimagining boundaries, deepening your understanding of each other’s needs, and discovering new ways to keep the spark alive. No matter your experience level, sex in marriage is about more than technique, it is about the bond you share outside the bedroom.
Communication Is Essential
Open, honest communication is the foundation of a healthy sex life. Before and after the wedding, talk about:
Expectations and desires: How often do you imagine being intimate? What kinds of experiences do you hope to share?
Comfort and boundaries: What feels safe and enjoyable? Are there things you want to avoid or take slowly?
Fears and insecurities: Do you have worries about performance, body image, or past experiences?
These conversations may feel awkward at first, but they build trust and emotional safety, two non negotiable factors for intimacy. Trust says, “I’m safe with you.” Vulnerability says, “I’m willing to let you see the real me.” When you can speak openly without judgment, you free yourselves to be vulnerable both in conversation and in the bedroom.
Friendship as the Foundation
A healthy sexual relationship begins outside the bedroom. Couples who nurture a deep friendship tend to enjoy stronger intimacy overall. When you genuinely enjoy each other’s company and feel respected and supported, sexual connection often becomes a natural extension of your emotional closeness. Friendship also helps during the inevitable seasons when sexual frequency shifts due to stress, health, or life transitions. In those times, affection, humor, and emotional connection sustain the relationship until the physical side can flourish again.
No matter your starting point, approaching sex in marriage with curiosity, kindness, and respect will help you deepen your bond. Intimacy is not a one-time achievement, it is something you build, protect, and grow together. When friendship, communication, trust, and vulnerability are at the heart of your relationship, intimacy will not just be an act, it will be a reflection of the love and life you are creating together.
If you would and your spouse would like help with intimacy in your marriage, reach out today. We would be glad to help.