Discernment Counseling: What path is right for your relationship?
Clients often inquire about couples’ work, stating, “I am considering couples counseling as a last-ditch effort to save my marriage. It feels like we are on a path to separation or divorce, but I want to be certain before making such a big life decision. Can couples counseling help me and my partner explore our options and determine the best path forward?”
My heart goes out to couples navigating this path. Separation or divorce is a significant decision that affects many aspects of life, including finances and parenting. Couples counseling is typically designed for those who are committed to growing together. However, if one or both parties are considering separation, they may not be prepared for this step. In such cases, discernment counseling might be the better option. Discernment counseling helps couples navigate the initial decision of whether to take the path to separate, divorce, or intentionally work on their relationship.
Since marital dysfunction can persist for years, the goal of discernment counseling is to encourage reflection on your reasons to end or save the relationship. This process helps individuals decide whether to invest in ongoing couples counseling aimed at restoration. Although discernment counseling requires time and financial resources, it can help you avoid significant emotional distress and legal fees. Discernment Counseling also provides peace of mind, allowing couples to thoughtfully explore all options regarding their relationship.
Having decided to restore the marriage to health, couples commit to the following with ongoing couples work:
We each commit to an all-out effort over the next six months, with divorce off the table for this period.
We know that this effort will mean working on ourselves individually and as a couple.
We will strive to bring our best selves to this effort, treating each other with respect and dignity, even when we are upset with one another.
We promise not to bring up the threat of divorce out of anger or to get the other to go along with something we want.
We will only confide in people who will support our work on reconciliation.
If our relationship is not improving, we will raise a concern early rather than keeping silent and planning an exit.
We will use the resources that can help us succeed, being as flexible as possible with our time and schedules.
It would be an honor to partner with you to gain confidence and clarity about the direction of your relationship. If you are interested in pursuing couples counseling or discernment work, please reach out for a 15-minute phone consultation at Scout Counseling by emailing us.